


Haunted

by Ducklingxkitten



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic violence, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unrequited Love, aoiha in the first chapters, friends with benefits in the first chapters, or at least implied
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:59:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducklingxkitten/pseuds/Ducklingxkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kouyou wasn't a lucky man in love. After a painful heartbreak, he thought he would be the right one, his knight in a shinning armour who would treat him well and heal his wounds. Kouyou had never thought he would fall this deep into his trap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New old fic! This one is as old as An Unbearable Fact, but I've never continued it ^^' This first chapter wasn't even in the old version. It's been a really long time I haven't written bottom!Uruha ^^" Enjoy!

“Seriously Kouyou? I mean... _Seriously_?!” A raven-haired man exclaimed as he was coming back inside from the balcony. 

He couldn't believe what he was witnessing. His roommate and also best friend was sitting cross-legged on the couch, a big bucket of ice cream between his legs and as he was tying his black hair in a bun, he looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

“What?” Kouyou asked taking a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. 

“It is 09 pm, why are you already dressed into your pyjamas? On a saturday night?” 

“Eating ice cream?” 

“Kouyou,” The raven-haired sighed deeply folding his arms on his chest. “We're still young, you should be outside having fun. Not behaving like an old grandpa.” He said with a grin on his lips. 

“My definition of fun is not the same as yours Yuu.” He replied with the same grin before taking another spoonful. 

Kouyou and Yuu knew each other since middle school. The young boy's parents had to move in this town, thanks to Kouyou's dad's promotion, and he knew no one. He had felt so embarassed and uncomfortable to introduce himself in front of the whole class that he'd been cursing his parents in his head during the whole presentation, but his anger had calmed down as soon as he'd seen Yuu's smile when the teacher had shown him to sit down next to the other teenager. Since that moment Kouyou had never left Yuu's side, they were fooling around when they were at each other's place, growing up together during high school and trying out things on each other's body. 

“You're not coming then,” Yuu declared, obviously disappointed and sat down next to his best friend while putting his arms around his waist. “Tell me, when was the last time you got laid? If you come, you could get some~” 

“Yuu!” His face red, Kouyou threw a pillow to Yuu's face, almost spilling the ice cream bucket on the floor. “Get your ass out of here now!” 

“Love you too darling,” Yuu said kissing his cheek then headed to the entrance and put his shoes on before telling him from there: “You're coming with me next time whether you like it or not!” 

Kouyou didn't answer, it was no use, and waited to hear the door slam to drop his smile, then put the bucket on the glass table before walking to the bathroom. In the mirror above the sink, he saw a man smiling sadly to him, a man with messy hair tied in a messy bun, he saw a beautiful man but oh so tired. Kouyou was tired. Tired of pretending, tired of smiling to his best friend when he had absolutely no will to smile. When was the last time he got laid? To tell the truth, it was a long time ago. 

Kouyou had fallen in love with a man years ago, a man who had praised him for his beauty. Kouyou was young at that time, and so naïve he had fallen for his sweet words and attentions. He'd been so different than Yuu had been with him, more experienced. He had made him scream in bed like no one had made him before, had showered him with presents more and more expensive each time they were seeing each other. Kouyou was happy, happy with that man, happy he was loving him as deeply as Kouyou was. 

He was so wrong. 

Kouyou remembered it clearly. It happened a thursday afternoon in the middle of spring. With Yuu, they had decided to take a day off for a whole day of shopping between best friends. Their hands full of bags they had taken a break on the terrace of a coffee shop, laughing together while drinking their cool beverage. Yuu could see the happiness on his best friend's face, but this happiness quickly disappeared only to be replaced by another emotion more painful, when the young man looked behind the raven-haired. Yuu's face showed surprise when he turned his head and looked in the same direction. Surprise and incomprehension. Further from them at the terrace of a restaurant, Kouyou's lover was sitting with a woman and two children, two little girls. His lover hadn't noticed them yet, but he would soon and Kouyou wanted answers. The young man was about to stand up and walked toward them when one of the little girls escaped their gazes and ran toward the two young men, followed by the man in whom Kouyou had a great trust. 

“You caught me daddy!” The little girl exclaimed when he took her in his arms. 

“How many times should I tell you you have to stay with mom and dad?!” 

“But I want to play!” 

“No. Let's go back to your... Kouyou?” Surprised, he hid his left hand behind his back but it was too late, Kouyou saw the ring. “Honey, go back to your mom.” He told his daughter without leaving Kouyou's gaze full of hurt. 

“Is he a friend?” 

“Answer her question. What am I to you, _babe_.” 

“I can explain everything...” 

“There's nothing to explain,” Yuu cut him off, then took their bags in one hand and Kouyou's in the other. “We're leaving Kou. Come.” 

Kouyou stayed silent until they'd reached the car. Inside as Yuu was driving, he let out his sorrow, let his tears fall, let his screams hurt his throat and break Yuu's heart as the man was trying his best to calm him down, even though he knew he needed to let everything out. Yuu knew just how much important this man was for his friend, he had shared everything with the other raven-haired so he could understand his pain very well. 

At home, Kouyou stayed in Yuu's arms on his bed and kept on pouring his sorrow out against his shoulder, asking several why, telling him how much it hurt and how he should have seen the man was only playing with him. 

“Hurt me Yuu,” He whispered against his neck. “Please...” 

“What? No, no! Sweetheart I won't.” 

“Please,” Kouyou asked him once again putting his arms around his neck, his face close to Yuu's. “I need physical pain... Make me forget, make me forget everything about him.” 

“Kou...” 

“Do it roughly.” The young man then put his trembling lips on Yuu's. 

This evening Yuu had made him scream another way he was used to. He had been bruising his body, scratching his thighs until they bleed while he was driving his cock in and out from Kouyou's body, giving the young man little to no time to take his breath back. Kouyou was begging every time Yuu was touching him and since that day, Yuu granted his best friend his requests every time he was asking for pain, every time the memories were too much to bear. 

Kouyou splashed water on his face, remembering the last time he had asked Yuu for this. Maybe it wasn't too late and he could call his friend and tell him to pick him up, that he was coming too. But the fear of being played with was still branded on his soul, that's why he walked back to the living room and resumed eating the ice cream watching TV. 

* * *

When Yuu came back home hours later, he found Kouyou asleep on the couch, the ice cream bucket thrown in the rubbish bin long ago and an almost empty bottle of wine on the table. Silently, the raven-haired switched off the TV and took carefully his asleep friend in his arms, before walking to his own bedroom. Yuu let guilt wrap him when he noticed marks of tears on his cheeks and he understood then why Kouyou had been drinking. He must have been thinking about his ex once again, the man who had destroyed his heart to pieces. It had taken Yuu long months to put a smile back on his face after their encounter at the coffee shop, long months to brighten his mind and give him an ounce of self trust back. Yuu had done everything for him, had beard every of his fits, had hurt him the way he'd been asking, apologizing during countless minutes after each time he had to fuck him roughly with tears running down their cheeks. 

They had made a deal when they still were in high school. They'd promised to always be there for each other no matter what, protecting each other from what or who could hurt them, they'd promised to never leave each other's side unless one of them would be in a relationship. Kouyou was important to Yuu, so important and so precious. And Yuu was too for Kouyou even though he had never told him. Kouyou wasn't the kind of person to tell what he was feeling, he preferred to show him, kiss Yuu deeply while he would hold him as if he were his lifeline. 

Under the covers, Yuu hold him close to his chest, entangling his thin fingers in his long black hair feeling Kouyou's slow breath on his neck and he was about to fall asleep when he felt the other man jump in his sleep and squeeze his fingers on Yuu's top behind his back. 

“Hush sweetheart, it's nothing.” He whispered holding him tighter in his arms. 

“Yuu?” 

“It's me, I'm home.” 

“I'm sorry for earlier.” Kouyou told him when he caught his breath back. 

“It's okay don't worry about that. I won't force you if you don't want to come with me.” 

“Thank you,” Kouyou said snuggling more against his friend. 

“But I hope you're coming next week.” 

“Is there something important?” 

“Well yes,” Yuu laughed sliding one of his hands down Kouyou's right thigh. “It's Yutaka's birthday, he will be happy to see you again.” 

“Your cousin is always so nice.” Kouyou whispered while putting his arms around Yuu's neck and fell back asleep feeling his best friend kissing his forehead. 

Yuu spend a few minutes kissing his face and his lips from time to time, caressing lovingly his body before closing his eyes and fell asleep too. 

* * *

Leaning over the sink, Kouyou was putting black eyeshadow on his lids when he heard a few knocks on the door and saw through the mirror Yuu poked his head around the door. The raven's eyes fell on Kouyou's bared left shoulder then slid down his back before finally resting on his butt clothed in tight leather pants, licking his lips. 

“Like what you see?” He asked looking at himself, satisfied with his look. 

“Yeah. You should wear that one more often,” Yuu said walking toward the other man then put his arms around his hips, sliding one of his hands under the loose black pullover Kouyou was wearing before kissing his neck and shoulder a few time. 

“Yes.” Kouyou replied smiling at his friend in the mirror, enjoying the caresses on his stomach. 

“It's time to go then. Yutaka's going to be angry if we're late.” 

His cousin lived in a little house in a peaceful neighbourhood away from all the noises and stress of the city. Yutaka had never loved living in a city, it wasn't for him, he needed some tranquility even if he had to live far from his favourite cousin. 

As Yuu expected, a few cars were already parked in front of his house so the man had to find somewhere else to park, somewhere further down the street and it's hand in hand that they walked to Yutaka's house. They could hear music, people chatting happily and after a few time Yutaka opened the front door. 

“Yuu, Kouyou!” The brunet exclaimed when he saw them before hugging them as they came in. 

“You're getting old man.” Yuu told him with a smirk on his lips, keeping Kouyou close to him. 

“One day you'll be thirty too.” 

“Yeah, but I'll still be younger than you!” 

“You're a fucking brat!” He said ruffling Yuu's hair. “Make yourself at home, the others are in the living room and in the garden.” 

“Are we the last ones?” Kouyou asked following the two men. 

“No no don't worry. Yuu would already be dead if it was the case,” Yutaka smiled at him, his hand on his lower back pushing him toward the living room. “Have fun tonight, okay?” 

Kouyou knew no one. He didn't know who was the man smoking outside and listening to what another was telling him. He didn't know the one who was arguing with a woman about which colour would suit her hair better. He didn't know who was the man Yuu and Yutaka were talking with. He didn't know who was that blond-haired man who'd been watching him since he came into the room. 

The young man was slightly uncomfortable right now, feeling his gazes pierce through him, watching him with that smile as he was drinking. He wouldn't have minded a few years ago, he would have even played along, flirt with that beautiful blond man, but after all the pain he'd felt Kouyou wasn't sure he could trust someone who wasn't Yuu. 

“Why that gloomy face, hm?” Leaning on the couch Yutaka asked him and gave him a glass Kouyou emptied in one gulp. “Is something wrong Kouyou?” 

“Who is he?” He asked pointing at the blond man who was now outside laughing with two other men. 

“That's Akira, a friend. Actually I bumped into him while I was jogging a few months ago and since then we're doing a lot of things together.” 

“Oh, I see.” 

“Did something happen?” 

“No, not really,” Kouyou omitted to tell him about his gazes. 

“He's a nice guy, really. And it seems that you've caught his eyes.” The man told him while playing with a strand of Kouyou's wavy hair. “Go talk to him, and more if you get along.” 

“Yutaka!” 

“I told you to have fun, don't worry about the rest.” And he left him, walking toward a small group of his friends. 

Kouyou stayed on the couch for another few minutes, weighing the pros and cons before standing up and walked to the garden where Akira was, smiling when the other man saw him. 

* * *

Kouyou was hot despite the cold air of the night, thanks to all the alcohol he had drunk. He had drunk so much he'd ended up telling Akira things he'd never thought he would tell someone else other than Yuu. The blond has listened to him without taking his eyes off his face a single time, without taking his hand off his thigh. Once Kouyou had let everything he had on his mind out, Akira had whispered in his ears sweet nothings and had kissed his neck, enjoying the soft chuckles Kouyou was letting out from his mouth. 

He didn't know where Yuu was, nor Yutaka. He didn't know what they were doing, but right now he didn't care. What was important to him right now were these soft lips moving against his own and his arms around his waist keeping him close to a muscular chest. Kouyou moaned when he felt one of Akira's hands moving higher and higher on his hip, his tongue leaving wet kisses on his neck. 

“I drank too much... It's spinning... my head...” 

“I'm taking care of you,” Akira whispered against his lips then took him in his arms and walked back inside, looking for Yutaka who was busy in the kitchen. “Yutaka, do you have a few seconds?” 

“Wow,” The brunet exclaimed once he saw Kouyou clinging on Akira's shoulders. “What happened?” 

“He drank too much. Do you have a spare room?” 

“Yes of course,” Yutaka said looking worriedly at Kouyou. “It's the first room on your right upstairs. Akira?” 

“What?” 

“He's drunk so keep your hands in your pockets.” 

“Who do you think I am?” He asked before leaving the kitchen and headed toward the stairs. 

Once they stepped into the guest room, silence wrapped them. The music coming from the living room seemed so far away now and the only sound that could be heard were Kouyou's mumbles. Carefully, Akira made him lie on the sofa bed already made for the night, and sat on the edge watching Kouyou's pained expressions as he was caressing one of his cheeks. 

“You're so beautiful.” 

“Your fault...” 

“What's my fault?” Akira asked straddling him and put Kouyou's arms above his head. 

“Spinning... My head...” 

“Did I make you drink?” 

“Yes...” Kouyou was feeling nauseous, but seeing the blond so close to him, feeling his breath against his skin was making him hot. He wasn't controlling his movements and thoughts, alcohol was so when Akira moved a knee between his legs he couldn't help but let out a faint moan and start to move his hips. 

“You didn't stop me.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Make me.” 

Kouyou didn't hesitate when he felt his hands moving higher under his pullover, and took his lips in a rough and hot kiss, putting his arms around Akira's shoulders. Their teeth were biting their lips as their tongues were sliding slowly on one another. Kouyou was breathless, but he didn't want to leave those lips, not even when Akira removed his pullover throwing it on the floor, not when he started to mark his neck pulling on his hair to make him turn his head. 

Akira sat up straight on Kouyou's hips, his hands started to unbuckle his leather pants as he was watching the man beneath him. Lips parted, Kouyou was panting, his watery eyes weren't looking at the blond but his hands still managed to reach his shirt he clenched between his fingers trying to unbutton it. 

“Look at you,” Akira began, caressing his cheek with one hand, the other slid under his boxers. “So beautiful, so tempting and... Oh? You're already so hard.” He added running his thumb on the head making Kouyou's body jolt. “Let's have some fun.” 

Kouyou barely felt his clothes leave him. Through his blurry vision he barely saw Akira undressing himself and spread his shaking legs. But then he felt it, the wave of pleasure that was squeezing his stomach, mixed with pain as Akira was thrusting his fingers deep inside of him, rubbing that sweet spot with every movements. It wasn't enough for him, it wasn't for either of them. 

“Akira... More... More!” 

“Hush. You don't want the others to hear you, do you?” 

Kouyou shook his head and as he felt Akira rub himself against his own erection, he put a hand on his mouth as a loud moan crossed his lips. 

“Good boy.” He whispered in his ear then grabbed his hips placing Kouyou's legs around his waist. 

Akira sighed once he was fully inside of him, feeling his walls adjusting around his length, sinking his nails in Kouyou's thighs as he started to move, enjoying hearing Kouyou's muffled moans, enjoying seeing him clutch the pillow with his free hand. 

“So beautiful. So tight,” He said driving harder into his body, the sound of skin against skin filling the room. He released a thigh and grabbed Kouyou's shape moving his hand up and down. 

“Akira... Akira...” Everything was spinning around him, his body was covered in sweat, his legs around Akira's waist were shaking more and more with each thrust as it was more difficult for Kouyou to keep his moans low and it took him a few more fast thrusts to come in the blond's hand. 

“All mine... Fuck!” Akira cursed after other hard pushes and came inside Kouyou, spurting every last drop of his release. 

The blond was panting heavily, trying to catch his breath and kissing Kouyou from time to time he hadn't noticed right away that the young man had passed out, sleeping soundly. Akira tucked him under the covers before joining him and hugged his body against his chest, his lips not leaving his skin a single time, then whispered that he wasn't going to leave him. Kouyou was his now and he was going to treat him as he was deserving it. 

They both had drunk a lot that night, but Akira still had a clear mind when he had undressed him and fucked him on the sofa bed, he still had a clear mind when he had whispered all these things. After all the thing Kouyou had told him, Akira wanted to possess that young man and Akira always managed to get what he wanted. 

* * *

Rays of light were burning his eyes when he opened them, sending a stabbing pain to his head. Kouyou cursed under his breath when he sat up straight and felt everything spinning around him, feeling that pain split his head in half and was making him feel nauseous and Kouyou cursed once again when he noticed his bare chest. A deep sigh crossed his lips as he removed the cover from his legs and mentally called himself names, stupid as he was watching his naked body and the red marks on his thighs. Pieces of what had happened last night came back to his mind slowly and he made a side note to not drink that much the next time he would see him. If he would. 

Kouyou remembered the man's gazes on his body when he'd enterred into the living room, he remembered how uncomfortable he had felt, he remembered his legs shaking when he'd walked toward that blond man and the first word he had said; a shy 'hey', his eyes hidding behing his bang while he was taking a glass. Kouyou remembered that they'd been talking for a long time, Akira had made him drink and he had told him things he shouldn't have before they made out in the garden, away from prying eyes. And that was all, Kouyou's mind was blank after that. 

Moaning in pain and a hand on his head, Kouyou looked for his clothes thrown on the floor, then put them on and left the room while staggering a little. He couldn't tell what time it was nor if he was the only one awake. And Akira, where was he? _Why am I even worrying about him?_ , he thought walking down the stairs and was welcomed by a nice smell of coffee. Following the scent to the kitchen, he saw Yutaka switch off the coffee machine and pour the beverage in a cup. 

“Morning...” Kouyou said with a hoarse voice and sat down at the table, soon joined by the other man. 

“Good morning Kouyou. Well, seeing your face 'good' might not be the right word to use.” Yutaka told him holding back a laugh when his friend looked at him and instead turned his head, a big grin on his lips. 

“What's so funny?” Kouyou asked, frowning. 

“Your face. You should look at yourself, you look so cute with all that makeup smeared on it,” Yutaka said as he stood up and prepared for the other man a cup of lemon tea. “And that hickey... So big!” 

“Shut up,” Kouyou managed a smile as he remembered the way Akira had been touching him last night. “I listened to your advice, see? I had fun, even though I can't really remember clearly what happened in your guest room.” 

“I'm gonna kill that asshole,” Yutaka sighed, not really convincing seeing that his smile hadn't left his lips. “I told him you were drunk.” 

“Look mom, I'm an adult,” Kouyou started after drinking a few sips of his tea. “I can take care of myself when I'm with big guys.” 

“Say the one who was uncomfortable because he was watching you,” Yutaka hummed, enjoying seeing Kouyou's cheeks turn red. “Anyway, he gave me this for you before leaving.” 

Kouyou took the piece of paper folded in half Yutaka had pulled out of his pocket and waited that the other man leaves the kitchen to read it. 

_I've spent a nice time with you yesterday. I want to see you again. I really do. Please call me. - Akira._

Kouyou read the note over and over again, feeling his cheeks burn even more and this stupid smile on his lips widen. Maybe he should call him and see what would happen next, move on and learn to trust someone again. He couldn't always run in Yuu's arms whenever he would feel down, his best friend deserved to live his life too. Kouyou didn't want to be a burden for him, so he made a note in his head to call back Akira once his hangover would be cured. 

And who knows, maybe Akira wasn't the type of man to play with him and his feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I was really busy with uni but now I have more time to write :)

That morning, Kouyou had been woken by Yuu who had crept under his covers pretending it was too cold in his own bedroom. Truth be told, it only had been an excuse for spending time cuddling with his best friend and for sharing some human warmth. Kouyou loved being held in the morning, feeling Yuu’s lips tracing his jaw, nipping at his neck and collarbone or even sometimes, when he was in the mood, he would be woken by Yuu kissing and sucking his inner thighs. Kouyou loved these little affectionate moments they had together, he was feeling so good when he was with him, safe and loved. Yuu had never hurt him intentionally, never broken his heart, never played with him. 

A kiss on his forehead made him open his eyes. Kouyou stretched his body, now lying on his back he arched giving the raven-haired a nice view on his hips and thighs as the cover had slipped in the process. At the same time he felt Yuu’s hands wandering under his top, caressing his ribs, moving them higher and higher until he removed it. His legs on each side of Kouyou's hips, Yuu leaned over his best friend and kept his lips only a few inches away from the other man’s, teasing him each time he wanted to kiss him. Kouyou had put his own hands on Yuu’s hips already trying to get rid of his underwear, but Yuu caught them and put them above his head making Kouyou's fingers brush against the headboard. 

“Don’t be in a hurry, we have plenty of time,” Yuu whispered against his lips, interlacing his fingers with his. 

“Says the one who was stripping me.” Kouyou answered before lifting his head trying once again to kiss his friend, but the only thing he got were laughters and instead sucked his neck tearing sounds from Yuu’s throat which were turning Kouyou on. 

“How can I resist when you have such a beautiful body?” He asked tracing his jaw with his lips. “You’re gorgeous Kou, and no I won’t shut up,” Yuu added when he saw Kouyou was about to contradict him. 

“Are you going to finally kiss me or are we just going to talk?!” 

Yuu laughed then finally took his lower lip between his teeth, teasing him a little more before kissing his best friend eagerly. Kouyou was kissing him back with the same fervour, enjoying the sensation of Yuu’s hands tickling his ribs then removing his underwear with an irritating slowness. As soon as his hands were released from Yuu’s grasp, Kouyou brought him closer to him wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling on his ebony hair as a loud moan escaped his lips when Yuu started to caress his half hardened shape. Breathless, they broke their kiss and Kouyou was making more lewd sounds as Yuu was tracing a path from the base of his neck to his navel with his lips and tongue, grinning as his friend was squirming under his touches, pleading, impatient. The raven-haired kissed his inner thigh a few times before licking the tip and taking it in his mouth without taking his eyes off Kouyou’s who was now leaning on his elbows. Yuu had begun bobbing his head up and down, taking him as far as he could in his mouth ignoring his gag reflex as he only wanted to please his best friend. 

They’d started going out together in the middle of their high school years when they were still trying to find out their sexual orientation, just like many other teenagers of their age. They were so close since middle school that it was natural for them to experience things together, and at that time without their parents knowing it, and feel things they never did before on their own. It was strange for the both of them at first, kissing another guy but not the platonic kisses you give to a friend, touching your best friend in ways they only dreamt of, until the day they went a step further. It happened in Kouyou’s bedroom a Thursday night as his parents weren’t home for the next two days because of their respective jobs. They both had been scared, not knowing what to do but they were trusting each other and had talked a lot before that about their own feelings and how they were seeing their relationship, so when Yuu had made him lie on his bed with shaking limbs and hugged him in his arms as he was slowly moving in him, none of them had had a single doubt about the fact that they were in love with each other. 

They eventually broke up one day due to Yuu leaving for England in order to pursue his studies, but the real reason was – and Kouyou knew it – that Yuu’s parents weren’t approving their relationship. Kouyou had tried to stay in touch with him, but no matter how many times he had called him, no matter how many e-mails he had sent him, Yuu had never answered to any of his attempts and it only had broken Kouyou’s heart. It only was three years later, when Yuu came back, that Kouyou had learnt the real reason of his silence. But it was already too late for Yuu, Kouyou had found someone during these years, too hurt and too tired of waiting for him not even knowing if he was still thinking about him or if he still was feeling the same way as Kouyou was. 

A hand in Yuu’s dark hair, Kouyou urged him to stop as he felt he was close. He wanted more, he wanted to feel him, feel him throb in his body and fill him up. He wanted Yuu to hold him down and fuck him hard on that bed, make him pant and ask for more, make him breathless with shaking legs and sore hips. 

Yuu was on his knees between Kouyou's thighs when he kissed him with passion at the same time his hands were busy feeling Yuu’s hard and still clothed erection, before slipping a hand in his underwear. Yuu’s moans were the most beautiful sound to Kouyou's ears. They were true and Kouyou could feel everything Yuu was too scared to tell through the way his sighs were escaping his tight lips, through the way he was sinking his nails in Kouyou's hips, through the way he was hiding his face in the crook of his neck, moaning a little louder as his friend squeezed the base. Kouyou knew the raven-haired hadn’t forgiven himself yet for having left him and put an end to their relation, he knew just how precious he was to the other man. They were maybe not together anymore, but they still had a high respect for each other. 

Yuu felt his underwear slide along his legs and soon after Kouyou was sitting on his thighs, pushing two fingers past his lips Yuu hastened to suck. The raven-haired wrapped his arms around his waist kneading his cheeks as Kouyou had taken in his free hand their hard-on and had started slow up and down movements, kissing Yuu’s left cheek and forehead from time to time, smiling each time he could hear Yuu’s muffled sighs. Kouyou took his fingers out of his mouth after a while and replaced them by his tongue, feeling one of his friend's hands caressing his forearm as he was slowly preparing himself, moaning in his mouth. 

Yuu made him lie on his back before reaching for the lube in the drawer. The raven-haired loved watching his friend pleasuring himself, he loved the way he was writhing on the bed, he loved the way he was moaning his name against the pillow, not even trying to keep his voice low. A simple act that was arousing Yuu more. ‘ _Sure, let’s them hear you_ ,’ he thought while lubing himself, then spread Kouyou's legs a little more and rubbed his length against his own, groaning faintly as he was devouring Kouyou's neck enjoying every little sounds he could hear from his mouth. 

“Fuck me Yuu,” He whispered in his ear, wrapping his already shaking legs around his hips. 

“Should I really?” He smirked, caressing his hips and teasing his hole. 

“Don’t fucking dare stop now.” 

“Language sweetheart.” 

“I don’t give a– _Ah_!” 

Yuu was slowly penetrating him, tearing beautiful moans from his friend's mouth as Kouyou had wrapped his legs around his waist bringing him closer that way. Once he was fully in, Yuu wanted to wait and let him get used to the intrusion, but Kouyou made him clearly understand what he wanted. His eyes full of lust, Kouyou started moving his hips without breaking eye contact with his friend and let out a few giggles when Yuu pinned him down on the bed and put his hands above his head before moving with a fast pace. 

Kouyou was melting under Yuu’s touches and kisses, shivering as waves of pleasure were running down his spine and making him cry for more, pleading Yuu to fuck him harder and deeper. No one had ever made him feel like that, so cherished, so loved, so safe in someone's arms. No one, not even his ex he’d deeply loved. Yuu had been his first everything. His first friend, his first love, his first kiss, his first heartbreak. He couldn’t think about losing him, no matter what could happen in the future, it was breaking his heart to just imagine not seeing him anymore. Just like that time Yuu had had to study abroad. 

As for the raven-haired, he would give everything he had to see him happy again, genuinely happy. Because no matter how many times he could see him smile and laugh, Yuu knew that deep down he was still so broken, he knew his trust in other men was still shattered to pieces after what happened last time. Yuu was more than happy to see Kouyou still wanted to share those intimate moments with him, that he was still trusting him with his whole heart. A part of himself was hoping that one day they could be again what they used to be before, lovers. A part of himself was hoping they could resume their relation where they stopped, a part of himself wondered if he could be the one Kouyou really needed now. But, another part was well aware that they never could be like that again. They changed so much, they weren’t teenagers anymore and both had had other lovers since Yuu’s return. Or so Kouyou was believing. 

“There… Hit that again Yuu…” Kouyou whimpered resting on his elbows as Yuu was on his knees, deep inside of him and nails dug in his beautiful thighs. He was seeing stars behind his half-closed lids, he was feeling Yuu’s hot hands all over his lower body caressing his skin, scratching it lightly. Kouyou was so close, his whole body was shaking, his heart was pounding in his chest, pre-cum already leaking as Yuu was jerking him off. “ _Mmh_ … More Yuu.. Just a bit more.” 

“Kou… _Fuck_!” 

A few more swift movements and Kouyou came in his hand and on his stomach, crying out Yuu’s name as he was squeezing the bedsheets between his fingers. Yuu followed him soon and came inside of his body, swearing before collapsing on his friend and caressed his throat with his lips. They both stayed silent trying to catch their breath back, snuggled against each other and just enjoying every little caresses of their fingers on their hot skin, and the feeling of their kisses making them giggle and sigh. 

Lying on his stomach, Kouyou was looking at his best friend who was caressing his back and putting from time to time his lips on his shoulders. 

“Are you happy?” Kouyou asked, tangling his fingers in his dark hair when Yuu kissed his neck. 

“You have no idea,” Yuu answered and leaned to kiss his lips. “You’re making me so happy.” 

“Not in that way you silly,” Kouyou laughed, letting the man put another dozen of kisses on his body, shivering each time he felt his lips tickle his skin. “It’s the third time this week you woke me up and we ended like that.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re complaining now. You were so eager to feel me inside of you, pleading me to fuck you hard against the mattress,” He whispered in his ears, smiling when he noticed Kouyou's red cheeks. 

“Oh shut up please.” 

“I love you too Kou,” The raven-haired said hoping Kouyou would understand the true nature of his words. Yuu had to face the truth, he was still so deeply in love with the other man. 

“I love you too, you’re my best friend after all.” 

Yuu’s chest tightened as Kouyou's words were playing in his head like a broken record. He should have known, Kouyou had moved on since long ago and it was maybe too late now to hope the feelings he had for Yuu when they were teenagers were still inside of him, or would come back. 

* * *

The ticking of the clock hung above the fridge was the only sound audible in the room. They were both having breakfast, eating different pastries such as croissants and chocolate bread Yuu had bought when Kouyou was taking a shower, sharing sometimes a few loving gazes and letting their fingers brush against each other. Both weren’t morning persons, so the silence in the kitchen wasn’t bothering them. They didn’t really need any words, their smiles and eyes were showing enough. The question was, would he understand? 

Kouyou knew Yuu still had feelings for him and he was guilty for giving his raven-haired friend false hopes with their actual relationship. He knew, he was _sensing_ that Yuu only wanted to have him back and make him happy. It is true that, until now, Yuu had been the only one to make him feel truly happy and the only one who had never played with his feelings. And body. He couldn't keep on making him believe there could be something again between them. But then, how was he supposed to explain him without hurting him? It was the last thing Kouyou wanted. 

“Oh, Yutaka called me earlier,” Yuu said breaking the silence between them. “He told me you forgot to do something.” 

“Did he tell you what?” 

“Nope, but he said you’ve talked about that thing the morning after the birthday party. What kind of secret do you have with my cousin, hm?” He asked before taking a sip of his black coffee. 

“Oh, that...” Kouyou had hoped no one would ever bring that topic up, but apparently he couldn't avoid it now. 

“What is it?” 

“We haven’t really spoken about the party, have we? We were both pretty wasted that night,” Kouyou admitted in a laugh. 

“I was sleeping the whole day,” Yuu whined, slumping dramatically on the table. “Next time please, don’t let me drink that much.” 

“Yeah, if I find you. I still have no idea where you were that night.” 

“Same goes for you,” The raven-haired replied laying his head in his hands and looking at Kouyou with a mischievous grin. “What did you do? I bet it has a link with Yutaka's call, right?” 

“Well...” Kouyou started, feeling his cheeks burn. He was about to explain in what kind of situation he had been when Yuu interrupted him. 

“Someone here got laiiiiiid,” Yuu sang, not leaving Kouyou's gaze a single time. He was a good comedian. Of course he was hoping that wasn’t the case. Of course he was hoping Kouyou would tell him it hadn’t happened and that he only had fun during the birthday party, without sex involved. Of course it was hurting him to imagine someone else touching and kissing the man he couldn’t get out of his mind. He couldn’t do anything more than hoping and waiting. Yuu was too scared of taking the first step. And waiting was maybe Yuu’s mistake. “With whom?” 

“Really Yuu?” 

“What? It’s just pure curiosity.” Kouyou didn’t miss the hurt and sadness in his eyes. 

“Akira.” 

“You mean that dude with spiky hair? Never talked to him.” 

“Your cousin said he was nice so… Since you were I don’t know where, I had some fun just like he suggested me.” Maybe his tone had been a little too cold because just now he was sure he’d seen Yuu's hand tense on the cup he was holding. 

“Are you going to see him again?” Yuu asked after a few seconds of complete silence. 

“He wants to. That’s why Yutaka called you, I still haven’t called him back.” 

“But… Do _you_ want to see him again?” 

“Yuu...” 

“What?! It’s just a simple question! Can’t I even worry for my best friend now?” 

“Of course you can, and I’m thankful for it but...” 

“I just don’t want to see you in the same condition as last time.” Yuu told him taking both his hands in his, caressing his knuckles with his thumbs. “Can you answer me now?” 

“I think I do… I mean, I don’t remember everything but I’ve spent a great night and I liked being with him. I liked the way he made me feel.” 

“You’re thinking about giving him a chance, right?” 

“That’s it. But you know how scared I am, you know how much little trust I have in men now and… I don’t know what to do Yuu.” 

“I think you really should call him back Kou,” _Even though it’s killing me to think that maybe you’re finding the right man_ , Yuu thought letting go of Kouyou's hands. “And if this one breaks your heart, I will gladly kill him.” 

Kouyou laughed at Yuu’s remark but couldn't help feeling hurt by his own reactions. He shouldn't be talking about Akira and his feelings so freely with his friend knowing he was still in love with him. He shouldn’t listen to Yuu’s advices knowing he was doing this unwillingly. Kouyou could already see Yuu’s heart shattered to pieces if he would call Akira. But at the same time, Yuu needed to move on and Kouyou knew well it wouldn’t be so easy for him. 

“Should I really?” 

“Yes. Unless you want to end your old days alone with a bunch of cats.” 

“I could say the same for you,” Kouyou laughed even though he had no desire to. 

“Oh don’t worry, they’re all crazy about me. I had to say no to a few of them during the party.” 

“Sure, let’s say I believe you.” 

“Oh come on! You know no one can resist to my body, you included,” Yuu winked, then stood up and put his cup in the sink, turning his back to his friend. “Seriously Kouyou, call him. You’ll never know if you don’t try.” 

“Yeah… You’re right.” 

Not a single word were said between them after that. Yuu was doing the dishes as Kouyou was finishing his breakfast, looking at his friend now and then noticing the way he was wiping the corner of his eyes a few times. It was hard for Kouyou to see him like that, but he couldn’t do anything. 

* * *

His mobile phone has been left untouched since a good fifteen minutes now. Kouyou was sitting cross-legged on his bed with his device in front of him and was too scared to dial his number. What would he tell him? What was going to happen if Akira would answer his call? 

“Come on Kouyou you’re 26, not 15 anymore!” He said to himself grabbing his phone and finally pressed the buttons. The dial tone was killing him with each second passing by. He was about to hang up, telling himself he would try another day, when the melody stopped. 

_“Hello?”_

“Hello it’s… um, it’s Kouyou.” Hearing his voice shaking was driving him crazy. He hated this situation, he hated how weak just talking to Akira was making him feel. 

_“Oh, I was starting to think you would never call me,”_ Akira laughed, making chills run down Kouyou's spine. _“How are you?”_

“Stressed to be honest. I… I’m not used to doing this anymore.” 

_“I won’t eat you,”_ He laughed once again. _“Relax, we’re just talking. Like the other time, remember?”_ Akira asked and at the same moment Kouyou could hear rustling paper on the other end of the line. 

“Am I calling you at a wrong time?” 

_“No no don’t worry, I was just reading a book when you called. I’m happy you did it Kouyou, I really meant what I wrote on that piece of paper.”_

“Well I… I thought I should stop being a chicken and just call. It can’t hurt me, right?” 

_“Your reaction is quite understandable, knowing what kind of man your ex was.”_

“What do you mean?” 

_“You don’t remember? You’ve told me about what he did to you and how it affected you.”_

“...What else did I say?” 

_“Hey, shall we talk about this over a drink? It would be nicer than talking over the phone, what do you think?”_

“I don’t know… I mean, it sounds like a date right?” 

_“Is it making you uncomfortable? I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”_

“No no! It is not, don’t worry. I just need to get used to this again,” Kouyou added lying on his back and looking at the ceiling, he felt that particular sting in his heart. This kind of wound would never heal. Always open, always bleeding, always aching. 

_“You’re cute. So, what do you think?”_

“When and where?” 

_“I’ll text you the address of a coffee shop and we could meet in… An hour?”_

“I’m fine with it,” Kouyou answered with a smile on his lips. 

_“Great! See you later then, I’m looking forward to seeing you again Kouyou.”_

“Me too.” 

Hearing him being so happy to the idea of seeing Kouyou again was making him feel more at ease with that man, it was making him feel a little more relaxed about that date. Before they hung up, Akira had spent more time reassuring him using some jokes and sweet words. 

Kouyou stretched on his bed before sitting again. He had to get ready now, choose the best type of clothes and hairstyle because in no way was he going to go there still wearing an old music band t-shirt and his favourite – but holed – grey tracksuit and his multicoloured pair of crocs. Kouyou literally had no idea what to wear for this so his only solution was to ask for help. 

“YUU!!!” 

* * *

Stress was gnawing him, burning his stomach when he arrived in front of the coffee shop. It wasn’t his first date and yet he could feel his legs shake as he was looking at the front window of the shop. Kouyou could see people lining up and ordering their drinks and pastries to eat, but no signs of Akira. Maybe was he sitting somewhere Kouyou couldn’t see from outside? _Or maybe I’m just too early_ , he thought looking at his watch and indeed he was by a good ten minutes. Akira couldn’t be already here, unless he was a gentleman and Kouyou had found a real gem. _No way!_ , he told himself opening the door and spotted a free table in the back and sat down to have a better look of his surroundings. As expected, Akira was nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t near the couple sat at the table further from where he was, he wasn’t queuing to order a caramel macchiato and a slice of brownie Kouyou thought should be delicious seeing all the stars this teenager had in her eyes. He wasn’t here, and as the minutes were passing by – five minutes, then fifteen – the man thought Akira had had to stand him up. However, after five more minutes during which he had decided to wait for him a little more, the bell above the door rang and a familiar blond-haired man came in, making Kouyou's inside explode with delight. Akira was in front of him shortly after, all smiles despite the tint of embarrassment Kouyou caught in his beautiful brown eyes. 

“Sorry I’m late. I was stuck in the traffic jam and forgot my mobile phone at home, haha,” Akira told him, fidgeting his hands behind his back. “I was a little too eager to see you. Anyway, I brought this for you,” The blond-haired brought his hands in front of him and Kouyou was surprised to see a bouquet of red camellias presented to him. 

“T-Thank you,” Kouyou took the bouquet and let the scent tickle his nostrils. The gesture was nice from him, and he didn’t know what to think about it. Was he flirting or just trying to be nice? _Flirting, definitely_. 

“I’m deeply sorry you had to wait that long,” Akira said while sitting in front of him. “I hope I can make it up to you.” 

“No need to apologize it’s okay, really,” Kouyou told him putting the bouquet beside him on another chair then put his hands on the wooden table. “It can happen, beside you came so I don’t mind.” 

“You know, not a lot of people would have reacted like you did.” 

Kouyou felt his cheeks burn, and at the same time a waiter came to their table and took their orders; a red fruits smoothie for Kouyou and a cappuccino for Akira. While they were waiting for their orders, Kouyou was feeling so stressed that he started to pick the skin of his thumbs, a habit he had since his teenage years and which had left him with cuts and small scars on his hands. Now that Akira was in front of him, Kouyou didn’t know if it had been a good idea to agree to this date. What if he only had been lying all along? What if he was just playing with him? What if once again, Kouyou would fall in a trap and find out Akira was the same as his ex? On another hand, Akira could be the exact opposite of his ex and wasn’t meaning any harm with that date. Maybe… What if… Kouyou had too many questions in his mind and way too many insecurities. 

“You’re far away from me Kouyou,” Akira told him taking his hands in his, preventing him that way from hurting himself more. 

“Hm? What?” 

“I was telling you how cute you are being so stressed, but you didn’t say a single thing so,” He put a kiss on his right hand without taking his eyes from Kouyou's then continued. 

“Am I that scary?” 

“No, you’re not scary at all. Quite the opposite,” Kouyou said looking at their interlaced hands, not knowing what to do. “I might be not ready to hear what you have to tell me about the party.” 

“Don’t worry about that, you said nothing embarrassing. Actually,” Akira got interrupted by the waiter bringing their orders and once he left, the blond-haired watched Kouyou taking a few sips of his smoothie. “You weren’t really talkative at first, but after a few glasses and a question, I could barely make you stop.” 

“What question?” 

“Do you remember that we were talking with a guy after Yutaka’s left you?” Akira asked him and when he saw him nod, he continued. “I asked you how it was possible that someone as beautiful as you was still single.” 

“Oh… I bet I spilled everything out.” 

“You did, but we were alone when you told me everything.” 

“What exactly did I say?” Kouyou asked, his glass of smoothie half empty already. 

“I was so stupid to think his feelings were true, so stupid to not notice he was married. I bet this asshole enjoyed fucking me because it’s not gonna happen anymore.” Akira repeated word for word trying to make the best impersonation of a drunken Kouyou. 

“Oh my God...” Kouyou let out while hiding his face in his hands, ashamed. 

“Should I go on?” 

“No! Please no. I am really sorry you had to hear all of that...” 

“I didn’t mind! I was only wondering why would someone hurt you the way he did,” He told him taking his hands in his once again and caressed them tenderly. “But then you mentioned your best friend.” 

“I really need to learn when to shut up when I’m drunk.” 

“We both were Kouyou.” 

“Not as much as I was apparently.” 

“Let’s say that I was able to do a few things you couldn't disagree with,” The way he winked at him with that particular smirk made a chill run down Kouyou's spine and Akira smirked even more when he felt him squeeze his hands harder. Akira then leaned towards him and whispered close to his mouth. “You have a beautiful voice when you moan.” 

Too surprised, Kouyou forgot to close his eyes when he felt Akira’s lips on his own, soft and warmed by the sip he’d just drunk. Before he could even do something, Akira was already on his chair again and Kouyou felt something familiar awaken in him. He was already craving for his touches. Was it because he was so desperate to find someone despite his own fears? Or was it because his body remembered the night they’ve spent together? Kouyou didn’t know and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to find out the answer. 

Akira laughed. Seeing the other man lost in his thoughts after his kiss was cute, and predictable… Akira knew too well how people like Kouyou reacted, how they were scared of every kind gestures or sweet words, how they were trusting no one when it came to privacy, how hurt they were. Despite all of these, Akira wanted him. He wanted to possess him, kiss him until Kouyou would suffocate, hug him until he would be fed up of his arms, and make him moan and scream like he never did before, and for him only. Akira wanted that man, no matter what he would have to do, Kouyou was going to be his. 

Unaware of what the man in front of him was thinking, Kouyou spoke about anything and everything only to break the silence between them and forget his embarrassment. He was surprised of the effect Akira had on him. No one had ever made him feel that uncomfortable, in a good way. None of his one-night stands had made his body remember that much after his breakup with Yuu. Not even that married bastard. And Kouyou knew just how many thing he had made him feel. Good and bad things. But he was a thing from the past now. 

Akira insisted on paying their drinks and even helped Kouyou put his coat back on when they decided it was time to leave the cosy coffee shop. It was cold outside, and Kouyou regretted immediately to not have taken his scarf with him when he left the apartment. It wasn’t cold when he left, but in the meantime the wind had picked up. Kouyou adjusted the neck of his coat feeling the bitter cold freeze his cheeks, and put his hands in his pocket to keep them warm. Akira had thought a walk in the park nearby would be a good idea, but seeing Kouyou freeze just beside him, he took one of his hands in his holding it tight between his fingers, and lead him to his car. 

* * *

He didn’t know why he had so willingly got into his car after Akira had told him it was too cold to stay outside. He didn’t know why he had let him lead him to his flat, enjoying his hand tickling his inner thigh, his lips on his neck every time they met a red light. He didn’t protest when Akira pressed himself against his body, catching him between the wall of the lift and himself. He didn’t protest when Akira kissed him passionately, tearing from his mouth beautiful whines. He didn’t even protest when, once inside the apartment, Akira made him wait on the couch because of an important call he had to take. 

Kouyou – clearly frustrated – had been now waiting for a good ten minutes and was starting to know Akira’s living-room by heart. He was sitting on a white leather corner sofa in front of which was a little wooden bookcase where mostly novels were. On his right, crimson curtains contrasting with the creamy white colour of the walls were preventing him from seeing what could be happening outside. And on his left was a large table where at least six people could sit without feeling too close from one another. He had seen a few closed doors earlier while still in Akira’s arms and now that he was alone, he didn’t want to wander around and take a look at the other rooms. It wouldn’t be really polite from him. 

The melody of his mobile phone startled him, telling him he had gotten a new message. 

_From Yuu:_

_When are you coming home?_

“Sorry I made you wait,” Akira apologized when he came back from one of the rooms as Kouyou had started to write back to Yuu. “It was my boss, so I really had to answer.” 

“I will accept your apologies only if you come here and kiss me again,” He told him with a smirk, his cheeks red. A part of him was telling him to back down, another that if he didn’t try he would never know. Akira was maybe truly caring about him, he was maybe the one with whom he could move on. 

Akira didn’t need to be asked twice and soon enough Kouyou was sitting on his lap with his hands around his neck and Akira’s already stripping him from his woolly turtleneck jumper. A satisfied sigh escaped Kouyou's lips as the sweet yet painful suction on his throat was making him shiver and tighten his fingers in Akira’s blond locks. His arms around his waist, a hand between his shoulder blades, were preventing him from moving away and Akira groaned softly feeling Kouyou moving his hips against his crotch. It was at this moment Kouyou saw the change in his dark eyes as they were now veiled with lust. Kouyou chuckled, still in Akira’s arms, when the man stood up and whispered in his ears everything he was going to do to him, his face slowly turning red again. 

Lips crashing together, Akira led him to a room at the end of a small corridor, undisturbed by the ringing tone of Kouyou’s mobile phone left on the couch. 

_From Yuu:_

_Answer me please, I’m getting worried._


	3. Chapter 3

Yuu hadn’t missed how stressed Kouyou was when he left their apartment. Despite telling Yuu he was feeling well, Yuu couldn’t not see his shaking hands nor the way he was stuttering. Kouyou wasn’t used to this anymore and Yuu knew just how much his friend wanted to trust that man. According to Yutaka, he was a nice and friendly man, but Yuu had some troubles trusting him. It was the first time he saw him during the birthday party, and it wouldn’t be the many smiles he had had on his lips or the words Yutaka had been saying about him that would make Yuu trust him. It was easier said than done, and Yuu secretly hoped it wouldn’t work between them. Yuu couldn’t trust him, he couldn’t stand the simple thought of his best friend having a relationship with another man, another asshole who would break him to pieces. He had no will to see Kouyou in tears again, to see him so broken and asking him once more to hurt him. Yuu would do anything to have back what they had when they were teenagers. 

They were so in love before they broke up, so happy trapped in their little own world that they’d thought nothing would separate them. There had only been one little cloud, Yuu’s toxic parents. He had learned it the hard way just how much they were despising his relationship with his childhood friend. How enraged he had been when he had found out what they did. Making him leave for England with them to pursue his studies was a thing, telling him Kouyou had a bad influence was another thing, but lying to him by telling him Kouyou had one day called to break things up between them when in fact his boyfriend had only wanted to talk to him because he was missing him so much was the last straw. Yuu had known since the beginning they would never accept their relationship, but talking about Kouyou behind his back in Yuu’s presence? He couldn’t accept that, not when Kouyou was miles and miles away from him and hadn’t done a single thing to hurt him. Not when they had been keeping every letters Kouyou had written for him. 

It was only when he came back to Japan that Yuu had learned the true reason why Kouyou had stopped calling. He had learned it from Kouyou himself one afternoon as they were chatting over a drink in a cosy coffee shop. Kouyou had never called to break up with him. That day, it was Yuu’s mother who had answered the phone and what she had told Kouyou had hurt him like he had never been hurt before. She had told him how happier Yuu was since he had left Japan, how more relaxed he was feeling, but what made him beg her to let him talk to Yuu was when she’d told him Yuu had moved on and had since long forgotten him in someone else’s arms. Yuu had felt his blood boil when Kouyou told him this happened not even a year after him and his family had left the country. Yuu had been surprised to see Kouyou had moved on rather quickly and easily during his stay overseas, just because of a fine manipulation. None of that would have happened if Yuu hadn’t decided to pursue his studies abroad. They would still be together and Kouyou wouldn’t have met his ex and suffer so much pain. They would still be together, and that date with Akira would have never happened. It surely was stupid to worry like that, but who could blame him? Yuu had every reason to be worried. He was the one who had to see him in a poor state. He was the one who had to erase his tears and calm him down in the middle of the night. He was the one who had to reassure him that he would be fine and that he would make sure no one would play with his feelings again. And if Akira was intending to do so, Yuu would turn his life into a living hell. 

Sighing deeply, Yuu went back inside once he stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, and slumped on the couch taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. Still no text from Kouyou. Yuu was that close to throw his phone against the nearby wall, but if he would do that how would he know how Kouyou was doing? What would he do with a broken phone if Kouyou would call him? Yuu needed to stay calm, Kouyou was going to call. He had left only an hour ago, he would be home before Yuu would go mad. 

* * *

Yuu sighed for the umpteenth time. It was getting late and Kouyou hadn’t called him yet nor had he answered to his – at least – fifteen calls and many more texts. The more time was passing by, the more questions were making him go crazy. What if that Akira guy had kidnapped him and was now torturing Kouyou in ways Yuu didn’t want to imagine? What if right now Kouyou was crying and pleading for help? What if it was already too late? What if he had disposed of the body? 

Yuu seriously needed to calm down. Panicking wasn’t going to make Kouyou call him faster and he surely wasn’t dead. Yet. 

“Dude, calm down. He’s fine. He has to be. Maybe his phone had run out of battery and that’s why he hasn’t called you.” 

But then, as far as he knew, Akira wasn’t living in a cave away from civilization and without electricity. If Kouyou really was fine – as his inner self was trying to convince him – he would have already called him. 

Turning his back to the dishes he’s been washing in an attempt to distract his mind, Yuu took his phone and dialled his cousin’s number. Only Yutaka could give him answers and more precisions on Akira’s true motives. 

_“Hello?”_ Yutaka’s voice startled him as he was once again too deep in his thoughts and worries. 

“It’s me. I’m sorry to call so late, but you’re the only one who can help me.” 

_“What’s happening?”_

And Yuu told him everything. How worried Kouyou had looked before leaving, how his eyes had sparked with hope when he’d said he wanted to try and trust Akira. Yuu told him he couldn’t trust Akira, something seemed wrong with that guy and Yuu could feel it in his guts, and even told him all the stupid questions that had crossed his mind. 

_“Yuu,”_ Yutaka called him calmly but slightly irritated as Yuu had started to panic again. _“You can trust Akira, he won’t hurt him. He’s not like that.”_

“How can you be so sure?” 

_“Believe me when I say he’s taking good care of his partners. Kouyou is in good hands. He’s a grown-up man, let him breathe.”_

“But–” 

_“Yuu listen, if he doesn’t want to answer your calls it’s surely because he doesn’t want to be interrupted.”_

“Yeah but–” 

_“Oh please Yuu stop! Kouyou’s fine!”_ Despite his chuckles, Yuu could hear how annoyed he was. Yutaka knew how important Kouyou was to Yuu, so he should understand why he was worrying so much. It’s only when Yuu heard another voice, one he knew too well, that he understood why his cousin sounded so annoyed. _“Hey, I’m sorry, but you’re calling at a wrong time. Kanae is with me.”_

“I didn’t know. I’ll leave you then, sorry I bothered you.” 

_“It’s fine Yuu, but please stop worrying okay?”_

“I’ll try. Bye.” 

It was easier said than done. 

When the clock reached 11:45pm, Yuu lit his sixth cigarette since Kouyou had left hoping he would come home soon. A part of himself was still worrying whereas another was whispering in his ear how pathetic he was worrying for nothing. Kouyou was a grown-up man and Yuu wasn’t his mother. _Just his best friend._

* * *

Kouyou did his everything to unlock the door as quietly as possible. It was past 01am and he didn’t want to wake Yuu up because he was like a bull in a china shop. Yuu would be in a bad mood and Kouyou knew just how important sleep was to his best friend. 

He had spent such an amazing evening with Akira and the smile he couldn’t wipe was more than enough to prove how much he had enjoyed it. As they’d been both lying on the bed, panting and covered in sweat and other bodily fluids, Akira had suggested that he stays with him a little more, and so Kouyou stayed for dinner. They had talked a lot trying to know each other more – what were their hobbies and likings, what they were doing for a living and so on – and had spent some more time cuddling and kissing on the couch before Kouyou saw how late it was. Akira, as the gentleman he was, had driven him till their building and had been unable to restrain himself from kissing him again and again in the car before saying good night and watched him disappear in the building. Kouyou had felt like a teen in the lift, and he hoped he would see him again soon. 

As he was removing his shoes, Kouyou was surprised to see the lights were still on in the living-room and wondered if Yuu had been waiting for him even though he had texted him before dinner that he would come back home late. He remembered how surprised he had felt seeing the number of missed calls and unread texts from Yuu. And right now, Kouyou couldn’t understand why Yuu was looking at him with a mix of relief and anger in his beautiful brown eyes. 

“Do you know how late it is? I was worried sick Kouyou!” 

“I don’t understand why you are.” 

“You don’t understand. You don’t understand?! Are you kidding me?!” 

“Yuu please, there’s no reason for you to be angry,” Kouyou said, trying to sound as soothing as possible. 

“No reason? Is that a fucking joke?! You weren’t answering my calls nor my texts, do you know how long I’ve been in that bloody living-room wondering what on Earth could be happening to you?” 

“I was with Akira, you know that Yuu. Nothing happened to me, see? No scratches. I’m fine, he did nothing bad to me,” Kouyou said pushing up his sleeves, but what was hidden by the turtleneck, this he wasn’t going to show Yuu. 

“Don’t think I believe you. You barely know that guy… Did he force you? Is that the reason why you weren’t answering?” 

“I did answer!” 

“And now you’re lying to me? Do you have a thing for these kinds of men or what? Don’t come to me crying if this one uses you too.” 

“Yuu, you’re starting to get on my nerves. I am not lying, and I certainly don’t have a thing for abusive relationships!” 

“Sure. Can’t you just say you were too busy spreading your legs for him and didn’t care I could worry?” Yuu spoke before thinking and regretted his words as soon as he saw the hurt in Kouyou’s eyes. “Kou… I didn’t… It’s not what I meant!” He walked to him, tried to take him in his arms, but Kouyou stepped back before his hands could touch him. 

“Oh no Yuu you mean it, I got it. You’re so infatuated with me, you’re so scared I’ll find someone better than you. I got it.” 

“Kou, sweetheart plea–” 

“Stop it Yuu!” Kouyou shouted as he was walking to his own bedroom. “I am not, and I won’t be yours! Not anymore. Stop hurting yourself like this.” 

None of them said a thing after Kouyou’s words, both hurt and knowing they went too far. Kouyou didn’t mean to snap at Yuu like this, and Yuu really didn’t mean the things he said, but he had been so worried his anger had spoken instead of his reason. He had hurt him, and he knew it would be hard to ask for his forgiveness after such words. 

Without a word nor looking back, Kouyou got into his bedroom and locked the door behind him. He waited to hear Yuu go into his own room before sighing deeply and slid against the door. He had never thought Yuu would react like that, nor speak his mind about what he was truly thinking about him. Was he really considering him as a slut? Yuu wasn’t totally wrong though. He had let him fuck him for years once Yuu came back from England, had let Akira do the same the night of the birthday party and earlier. Yuu was right, he barely knew him and yet he had been feeling so much better spending time with Akira than he ever had in months. Akira was different, different from his ex and from Yuu. Things wouldn’t go wrong with him, right? 

Still sitting on the floor, Kouyou reached for his mobile in his pocket and dialled his number. He needed to hear his voice, needed to hear him talk and tell him everything would be alright. 

_“Hello?”_ He heard his muffled voice after the fourth ringing tone. 

“Oh, I woke you up. Sorry I shouldn’t have called.” 

_“Babe, what’s wrong?”_

“Nothing. Go back to sleep please, I’m sorry.” 

_“You wouldn’t have called if it really was nothing. Tell me.”_

“I had a fight with Yuu…” 

_“Are you okay? Did he touch you?”_

“No… No I’m not,” Kouyou’s voice broke and he let a few tears run down his cheeks. 

_“Shh baby, don’t cry please. Tell me what happened,”_ Akira listened to him without interrupting him once. He listened to his pain, listened to how hurt he sounded. 

“I wrote him I would come home late, I swear! I’ve never thought my best friend would say to me something like that. I thought he knew me better.” 

_“Well, I can understand him. From what I know, he loves you and seeing you dating another man than him hurts him a lot and tonight was the last straw.”_

“Maybe it was my fault too…” 

_“What do you mean?”_

“I shouldn’t have been so close to him after we broke up. I shouldn’t have… I’m only giving him false hopes. What kind of person am I?” 

_“Kouyou, you’re not a bad person, trust me. It’s not your fault, and your thing with him is over now, right? You’re with me. I mean, if it’s what you want of course.”_ Kouyou didn’t answer and Akira wondered if he had said something he shouldn’t have. _“Baby? Are you still there?”_

“I want this. I want to give it a try. You know, I’m feeling different with you, I’m feeling good. I know we barely know each other but–” 

_“Shh, I understand it and it makes me happy to hear you say this. I’m not like your ex, I’m not like Yuu. I would never hurt you. You deserve so much more than pain and tears.”_

“Are you saying this to have me in your bed again?” Kouyou asked feeling his lips stretch in a grin, and felt chills along his spine when Akira laughed. 

_“Hmm, I wouldn’t mind having you there right now, but I’m serious. You don’t deserve to be treated like they did.”_

“Thank you, you’re going to make me cry again.” 

_“No, no more tears! I want you to go to sleep with a smile.”_

“I will Akira.” 

_“Sweet dreams now, I will see you soon.”_

Kouyou went to bed as soon as they hung up. Under his covers, he looked through his mailbox to check if he really sent that text to Yuu or not. He turned pale when he saw ‘draft’ written beside Yuu’s name and swore under his breath. Kouyou typed a quick text for Akira, telling him he was dating an idiot and that he would have to apologise to Yuu tomorrow since the text didn’t go through. The answer he got from Akira, just a few seconds after he pressed ‘send’, lifted a weight off his shoulders. 

_From Akira_

_It’s going to be alright. If not, you know I’m here for you ♡_

* * *

Kouyou hadn’t spent a great night. Despite Akira’s text, Yuu’s words had been playing all night in his mind like a broken record, waking him up a few times during his sleep. He had never known that side of his best friend, never had he thought he would dare telling him such harsh words. But it had been his own fault. If he had checked he had sent that text correctly, Yuu wouldn’t have been worrying so much and they would have never said to each other words they didn’t mean. It had been Kouyou’s own fault since the beginning. 

If he hadn’t trusted Yuu’s mother they would have never broken up, Kouyou would have never met his ex and got his heart broken by him, they would never have had this fight. He would have never given Yuu false hopes, but at the same time, he would have never met Akira. Akira who had listened to his drunken speech in Yutaka’s garden without saying a single thing to make him feel ashamed or stupid because he had never noticed his ex’s wedding ring. How could he have anyway? He’s never worn it. Akira had always told him nice things, over the phone or during their date, reassured him that he had nothing to fear. He wasn’t like his ex and he never will. 

Kouyou sighed deeply sitting up. The sun was barely shining outside and Kouyou wondered if Yuu was already up or if he would have to wait till this evening to talk to him. He needed to apologize. The fact that he got angered by Yuu’s words wasn’t an excuse to justify his behaviour. Yuu too didn’t deserve to hear such harsh words, even though it was the truth. Yuu was hurting himself. Yuu needed to move on. If his relationship with Akira would get serious – and Kouyou really wanted it – Yuu couldn’t keep on faking he was feeling alright. It would be awkward. 

It was quiet inside their apartment when he left his bedroom. Too quiet. Their fight had left a feeling of unease and Kouyou hated it. It hadn’t been their first, but it was hurting him so much each time things were tensed between them. 

Yuu was on the balcony, sitting and smoking on the floor wrapped in his plaid, and Kouyou felt a pang in his heart when he noticed the ashtray was full of stubs. Yuu was awake since long ago and had stayed on the balcony, in the cold thinking about what happened hours earlier. Seeing him like that wasn’t making Kouyou feel better. 

He made Yuu jump when he opened the window and stood beside him feeling chills on his body thanks to the wind. None of them talked during long minutes. Yuu had disappeared under his plaid and Kouyou thought he had fallen asleep, but the flame of his lighter proved him the contrary. Kouyou reacted automatically and reached for the cigarette between his lips then stubbed it out in the ashtray. 

“Morning,” Kouyou said sitting down next to him and tried to cover himself with a piece of the plaid. 

“Morning.” 

“Did you… sleep well?” 

“Honestly? No.” It was barely a whisper and if Kouyou hadn’t been sitting so close to him, he wouldn’t have heard his answer. 

“Me neither,” He sighed, then laid his head on Yuu’s shoulder feeling him tense. “I’m sorry about yesterday, everything’s my fault. I should have checked you got my answer. I swear I wrote you.” 

“Hmm.” 

“Talk to me Yuu. Please say something.” 

For a little while, Kouyou thought he would have to deal with Yuu’s childish side and be the only one to talk and try to work things out, but Yuu got rid of the plaid around his shoulders and wrapped it around Kouyou’s freezing body, looking at him with so much guilt and pain in his eyes. His caresses on his cheek were hesitant, but he enjoyed feeling his cold skin underneath his fingertips. Maybe this was the last time he could touch him that way. 

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have never insinuated… this.” 

“We are both guilty Yuu. It was a misunderstanding.” 

“Still I should have never said that. I just… I don’t want to see you so broken again.” 

“I know, and I appreciate your concern. Really.” 

“I… No, forget it.” 

“Say it. Get it off your chest,” Kouyou told him keeping one of Yuu’s hands in his, drawing circles with his thumb. 

“I love you so much I… It hurts too much to know it’s pointless to hope we could be together again and, and I don’t know what to do!” 

“I gave you false hopes and you kept everything for yourself, hm? I’m truly sorry Yuu.” 

“You’re not to blame. I’m the one who can’t move on.” 

“Look at me,” Kouyou ordered him and lifted his chin. “You are, and you will always be my most important person. You have a special place in my heart and that will never change. I will always love you, but not like you wish I would.” 

“Are you going to take it badly if I ask you for a hug?” Yuu asked after long minutes of silence. 

Kouyou didn’t answer and opened his arms for him, hugging him tightly when he felt his body shake with his sobs. It was breaking Kouyou’s heart to see him like that, to know he was in so much pain, but they had to do this. They had to have this discussion for Yuu’s own well-being. To keep his feelings for himself and try to suppress them wasn’t healthy. To hope Kouyou would one day consider him as a lover again instead of just a best friend was pointless. Yuu deserved better. Yuu deserved someone who wouldn’t lure him with hopes of a happy ending together. Yuu deserved someone who would take care of him and love him enough to make him forget his feelings for Kouyou. 

A while later, after Yuu’s tears had dried and after they’d taken their breakfast in a deathly hush during which Yuu had had plenty of time to notice Kouyou's neck covered in hickeys, making him realised Kouyou wasn’t his anymore, they both got ready for work and Kouyou left first wishing Yuu to have a nice day and telling him he could call him if he needed to talk. Kouyou hoped his friend would be alright. Yuu was hiding his true self very well and Kouyou knew too well that behind his joker side was hiding someone very sensitive. Maybe he would have to talk to him again this evening when he would come back home, reassure him and tell him he wasn’t replacing him with Akira. This was a totally different relationship and no matter how serious it would get, Yuu would always be dear to him. 

But what Kouyou didn’t know was that Yuu had other plans. Yuu wouldn’t welcome him this evening with a bright smile and a nice smell coming from the kitchen. Yuu wouldn’t ask him how his day was and make sure he would relax before having dinner. They wouldn’t play games until late in the night nor fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

Kouyou didn’t know Yuu had no intention of coming back home after work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little story: Half of the chapter was already written in June-July, but then my computer decided to die and I lost everything I didn't put on a memory stick (this chapter in particular) I lost my motivation to work on this chapter, but found it again only a few days ago and it amazes me how much I'm writing lately. This chapter might look short though.
> 
> Thank you for your patience!! I promise the next chapter will be longer!


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